![]() Her mother was deep in the throes of drug and alcohol addiction, and their relationship had been strained for years. Olivia Auxier, a marketing executive based in Austin, Texas, didn’t invite her mom to her 2012 wedding in Maui. “I guess I was inadvertently trying to protect myself.” “Maybe I would sit down and discuss it with her,” she says. That saved her a potentially awkward conversation, but Turck says she would have handled it differently today. When R found out about the bachelorette party, she ended up telling Turck she wouldn’t attend the wedding via a hostile text, just days before the event. “Looking back, I’m not sure why I thought that would work,” Turck says. R’s erratic behavior and bullying caused Turck not to invite R to her bachelorette, even though she had invited her to the wedding. Turck had been close friends with a woman she calls “R” for several years, but during the year leading up to Turck’s engagement and then her wedding, their friendship became increasingly toxic. Others have made similarly tough choicesįor Blake Turck, a writer in Manhattan, the decision to not invite someone to her wedding didn’t involve a calm conversation. Her sweetness and understanding made me feel even worse. “I want you to have a beautiful day and we can celebrate another time.” “I get it,” she said when I explained my fears about her coming. Luckily, Jackie didn’t fight me when I told her how I felt. I couldn’t imagine also keeping one eye on my sister. I knew that in addition to the typical wedding day nerves, I would be full of anxiety about my mom who had just started chemotherapy. ![]() I explained as gently as I could my reasons for not having her there: I was scared she would become intoxicated and cause a scene to the point that I would have to have someone escort her out, which I’d seen happen before. But knowing you’re not alone doesn’t take away the fear, guilt and shame that often comes with uninviting or not inviting someone you love. That may include grieving the last days of your single life or facing “unfinished business” with family or friends. “Most families have someone like this,” says psychologist Allison Moir Smith, whose company Emotionally Engaged specializes in helping couples with the sometimes unexpected feelings that come up when planning a wedding. It's a hard choice, but a necessary oneįor anyone who hasn’t had to make a similar decision, it might seem heartless to exclude a loved one from a big event like a wedding, family reunion or holiday gathering, but experts say it’s incredibly common. Sadly, I’m far from the only person who’s faced the heartbreaking choice to exclude someone they love from an important event.Īpproximately 2.6 million weddings took place in America in 2022, and more than a few of those happy couples likely had to tell a friend or family member that they couldn’t attend, not based on some petty grievance, but on things like alcohol or substance abuse issues, mental health struggles, a history of abusive behavior or a difference in belief systems that could cause tension at the event. ![]() On top of that uncertainty, my mother had been diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer five weeks before my wedding and Jackie had only gotten sober (again) a few weeks before the date. I had seen her unpredictable behavior at other weddings and past events. Our relationship had become strained over nearly two decades as she suffered from alcohol addiction - a disease that would eventually kill her, in 2021. Jackie isn’t in the photos not because I didn’t love her, but because I asked her not to come despite my love for her. I have pictures with my other sisters, with cousins and aunts and people I will likely never see again. It’s the space where my sister Jackie should have been standing. There’s an empty space in my wedding photos, one that a stranger would never notice.
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